It's a Blog eat Blog world.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Put your clock back for the winter

I've taken a trip down to Hawkes Bay for a birthday party. The ride down here was teh gay, I HATE travelling. I had to sit next to a big guy from a white power rally so now my neck is all sore from being hunched up. He kept laughing at his cellphone messages really loudly.

So yeah, TV sucks.

I am going to rank the ads by the amount they make me want to hurt myself. I really think that the ad men think we are all stupid. I guess we are just sheep to them, which is fine for us with now money. But here they are:

Number 5:
I don't like ads for childrens toys today as they bombard them with the idea that they NEED these toys, that they CAN'T LIVE without these toys, that they won't be COOL unless they have these toys. "NEW FROM HASBRO!!! IT'S RAD!!! IT'S FUN!!! OH YEAH!!! BUY IT NOW!!!! SHOOTS UP TO 3 FEET!!! FLIES FOR 10 FEET!!!! IT'S HIP!!!!! HIP AND RAD!!!! OH MY HOW IT IS RAD!!!! DID I MENTION IT'S HIP? BUY ME NOW!!! NOW NOW NOW!!!!! BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY!!!!!!!" with rap music playing over the top of the ad and graphics straight out of Powerpoint.

Number 4:
The new angle for Telecom is to ensure that in the future we are ALL using cellphones. And they like to whore them out using kids images. I think it's a great idea, giving expensive camera phones to kids. That way it'll be funnier when I beat them up and take it off them. Ah, the soothing cries of children...

Number 3:
Invisible duct tape is a great idea. Not only can you see the fucking cracks, you get to pay more as well!!! GOLD!!! And the song is great. "... Almost invisibly!" YET MORE GOLD!!!

Number 2:
"Have you been using my shampoo?"
"No."
"That's ok. I've been using your boyfriend."
And then they laugh about it. I'm glad the WHORE COMMUNITY is being catered for. "Have clean hair and be a slut!" Fuckers.

Number 1: The Lion Red in the Workplace ad.
This ad is about fitting in at work, on your first day. According to the great minds at Lion Red, the way to fit in is to do the following:
Steal your bosses carpar, then rat on someone else.
Chat up the reception chick.
Drink in your cubicle.
Send your face via e-mail after scanning it in the photocopier.
Chat up the reception chick some more.
START A FREAKING BBQ IN YOUR CUBICLE.
Chat up the reception chick while in a wheelbarrow.
Get the fire brigade in.
Start a conga line.
Get your boss drunk.
Yeah, that's a God damn recipe for a great job if I ever heard one. I'm going to come into work now, drunk off my tit and carrying a wheelbarrow. I will then start a small fire and dance down the hallway before giving a thumbs up to an invisible camera. I like it how everyone who drinks beer is a retarded retard and yet they seem to be fine with it. "Drink Lion Red and become a total fucking moron!"

Todays words you wouldn't want to hear about you in a newspaper article: "... said that God gave him the knife..."

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