I have a Problem

It is amazing how many FREAKING random Blogs I had to skip through to get any of any FREAKING VALUE because they are all either about "balloon flower plant", whatever the Hell that is, or they are just advertising things for Google. I did find this one though:

FC The Mix - http://fcthemix.blogspot.com/

What drew me to it were two things. Firstly, this is a Christian Blog of some description. They used the following text in their side bar: Welcome to the blog page for The Mix at Fellowship Church. Where a students overall view of the service is expressed and where students can BELONG, BECOME, AND BE USED!

Now, I live a semi-Christian lifestyle but I don't think I have any aspirations to "BELONG, BECOME AND BE USED." I can only assume they mean Sexually. The other thing that I liked was their new Series called DeFrag, about how their lives have been fragmented. They should change it to TeleFrag. GIB CITY BABY!!!

Anyways, I need to stop looking at random Blogs... curb... my... addiction... ARGH!

Wow Cabinets - http://wowcabinets.blogspot.com/

Now this is one of those gay advertising websites. BUT BUT BUT read the top box and tell me you didn't laugh. My God that's comedy gold that only a computer-generated program can create.

Until next time guys. I am thinking of creating a public holiday called "Adopt an Emo Day".

RANDOM BLOG REVIEW OMG!!!

Hello to everyone out there (and by out there I mean the scientists who will return to Earth many, MANY years from now and discover this Blog and say "No wonder they all got killed by Aids.")! It is time for me to review BLOGS! ARGH!!! SEVEN!!!!!

I really like doing this, it gives me a chance to see how fucked-up other people are. Not as much as I would like seeming all I freakin' get are Emo Blogs and people who can't speak the same language as me.

Here we go!

Blog One - Culture and International Affairs - http://wbeeman.blogspot.com/

Holy Jesus Monkey. What a find. This guy is a Professor of Anthroplogy and Theatre, does Speech and Dance, is the Director of Middle East studies at the University of Brown, is a pro Opera Singer and STILL finds time to post on his Blog. Essentially it's a place for him to post his latest views on the world. And that is why he is unwelcome. Now, you see, when people post on Blogs it is NOT, I repeat NOT because they have something to say, because they are smart or gifted or because they feel they need to contribute to the world. It is because they are OH SO LONELY and have almost little-to-no lives at all. "hay this is my cat tracy and he is brown (like the University) and then i went to the beach the end." INTERNET BLOGS ARE NO PLACE FOR ACTUAL, SOLID OPINIONS!!! It is for people like me who have been abused sexually by their fathers, married their mothers and killed their siblings in a coast-to-coast death race known as Mannell-Bowl 2000. You may be smart and all Mr Dr Prof. Beeman but please, leave the Blogging to the Emos, the foreigners and the faux-geeks like myself.

Blog the Number is being Two - It's all about me - http://itsallaboutmetammy.blogspot.com/

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh God. My sides. This Blog is teh funny. From my early assumptions, and yes I will make an ASS out of U and ME all I like ythank you very much Mr smarty pants, this Blog is done by Hillbillies. Now, that may be wrong as all Hillbilly keyboards only contain the letters B, E and R. But maybe she was using the Libraries. Anyways, listen to the DELIGHTFUL passages in this Blog.n I went to a post entitled The End of my Life (The name for OH SO MANY LiveJournal accounts LOL!!!11) and had a read.

First we have mention of a lady named LaRene. Well Yee to the Haw. In fact, I read this entire Blog out loud in a Hillbilly voice. Here:

"Then her bratty kid- River, he fucking leaves the television on all day without watching it, he pauses his video game, and then leaves the room, and thats alright, because it's a double standard!"
It ain't a double-standard love, it's your fat-assed mothers fat-assed kid being a fat ass. And River? RIVER? Sweet Lord have mercy, that kid is going to love going to school. Then again he's probably home-schooled, seeming his fat-ass only gets up to get more Cheetos. Damn those Americans have some sugary candy. It's like they want everyone in Texas to be overweight.

"Chosing a bitch before me is so not right."

Hehe Choking a bitch. Oh wait...

Essentially what I got was that it is about some lady who lives with her parents and complains about the service they provide. She could, you know, move her fat-ass out (See! Assuming things is fun!) but she instead uses up their precious Internet time posting on her I-hate-my-landlord/care provider/mother boo hoo Blog. She later complains about having no money boo hoo. She should be a student, she has the Warcry down. Maybe she could get a job at a MacDonalds scaring the children away when they try to get free drinks from that machine.

In other news the mail just came and I got some Rugby thing and something for a guy who has a name similar to me. I should open it and then STEAL HIS IDENTITY. So yeah, that Hillbilly Blog was le Boring so what's next on the Gay-Gender. Hehe man I'm funny. And hot too ladies! Rawr! Purr!! Etc!!!!!

Blog Three - Men who Prefer it Anally - http://www.highlyflannable.blogspot.com/
The other two Blogs bugged me so I decided to do a Blog search for "Men having sexual intercourse with other men" but Google kicked out the other instance of Men and the word With and added "Harry Potter and Hagrid slash fiction" so I got this little Blog. Essentially, as I understand it, this Blog is a website for the Coping with Homosexuality chapter of the Ku Klux Klan. In among their racist rantings and badly-doctored nude pics of Brad Pitt we find that their webmaster, Grand Dragon Alex, is planning to take over the western world with a stream of bad syntax and masturbation. Actually, I have it from a reliable source that he is in fact a Government spy, working to stop the flow of Tentacle Rape into our fair, Tentacle-free country. It's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it. We at Jesus Monkey salute Flan and his quest to stop Tentacles going where no Tentacle has gone before.

And that is it for this time fellows. Make sure you check out the other Blogs, if my reviews didn't put you off. And remember, I AM YOUR GOD NOW!!! BOW DOWN TO ME!!!

It's Raining Rain

It's hailing here. REALLY hard.

Alex and I have decided to make a webcomic. And by decide I mean I forced him to draw at gunpoint because I suck. It will be the new Spasm.tk. I miss that site, all the old, rather unfunny garbage I did back then is still there on my good old Geocities page.

So yeah, watch out for that, a mix of Alex's flash and cartoons and my weekly KKK meetings notes.

A Little Less Conversation

811MB and counting... A 1GB limit sure does fly past when you have a world of badly-doctored Avril Lavigne nudes at your fingetips.

But anyways, today I was SO FREAKIN' BORED I decided to read the University Magazine. The name of it is Salient, allowing oh-so-clever personalities to deride names from it. Gaylient lol. Faglient LOL! POOLIANT OMGLOL!!! The entire magazine is madeup of hippy students who think their opinions matter and that anyone listens (kinda like me in that respect) or drunk fucking fucktards who are fucking drunk and fucks. Fuck.

Fuck.

Seriously, all students do is march everywhere with their signs demanding "MORE MONEY! LESS WORK!! MORE FREE SHIT!!! GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!!!" They all forget that they are nothing. Nobodies. All students are just insignificant, worthless maggots who contribute SWEET SOD-THE-FUCK-ALL to society except when they pay for Herbal party drugs. Students are a pathetic breed of alcohol-fueled Lemmings who complain, drink then complain some more. Want to kill a lot of students, but you don't have many bullets? Catch them all at the fucking Student Bar, Eastside. In fact, why do I bothering giving that testosterone palace a capital letter? It should all be in fucking subscript font 1. Fucking students.

Glad I was never one.

I recently downloaded a lovely image program so maybe my dreams of finally being able to create web comics will come true. Because Lord knows my pathetic attempts at Flash went so well...

Le Random Blog Review.

That's French for The Random Blog Review. For all you people who don't speak French.

Welcome to another fine award-winning installment of Random Blog Review Day. Today we will be reviewing THREE Blogs from the world of the cheap and nasty Free Blog world as brought to us by our unholy master/host, Blogger.com. Here we go!

Blog One: turn turn turn turn around and lose the world - http://dontmeantobecruel.blogspot.com/

I have no idea what this is. The entire site is composed of this large cat of something that is no doubt one of the furries that all those emo kids like to have sex with. It's like some sort of German Expressionistic film crossed with more German Expressionistic film and topped off with a nice helpful dosage of Emo goodness. GO BACK TO YOUR GRAVEYARD YA EMO! You hear me, Emo-cat girl! You're just an Emo, aren't you? Here, have a Evenescence CD.

Blog the Two - Istpo e um Blog 8] - http://isto-e-um-blog.blogspot.com/

Once again I have NO FREAKING IDEA as to what these crazy Mexicans are on about. From what I could deduce they are crazy Mexican LARPERS who drink Milkshakes and throw Servant Family parties. They all dress up like Indian servant slash Brady Bunch members and invite those wacky LARPER Furries over for a good old time. Plus the whole bloody thing was in Spanish. Or Mexican. Or Spexican.

Website... ah, who am I kidding, it's another Emo site - http://dunchpissmeoff.blogspot.com/

Am I on www.emo-host.com or something? They are everywhere, with their seedy, pseudo-Anime style Furries and their child pornography.

(Man, that last line oughta get me into the search engines!)

Till next time, have fun with electrical sockets.

Joke the One After That

A child was walking down the road one day when he saw an old woman.
"Old Woman?"
"Yes?"
"If I help you across the road will you give me a shiny new dollar?"
"Why yes you little sweetie pie!"
So he helped her across the road. When they got to the other side the boy turned to her.
"Don't worry about the money, you can pay me tomorrow."
The next day the old woman was once again waiting by the side of the road when the young boy once again approached her. She reached for her change purse.
"Old Woman?"
"Yes?"
"May I help you across the road again?"
"Why yes you can young boy. But let me give you your money first."
"That's ok, you can give it to me tomorrow."
He then helped her across the road once more.
The next day the Old Woman was standing by the side of the road holding two bright shiney coins in her outstretched palm. The little boy came whistling up to her. She looked at him and held out the coins.
"Here you go little boy."
The boy nodded his head.
"Give them to me after we cross the road Old Woman."
He helped her across the road once more. As they reached the other side she held out her hand with the money. But instead of taking it the boy instead ate her limbs. What is the moral of the story?

There is none. The boy just wanted to eat her limbs.

Joke the Whatever I'm up to

What's Brown and Sticky?

Poos. Duh.

Port that USB you bad boy!

I got my ADSL modem. So I can post my boring life at FIVE TIMES the speed! It's a dream come true!

Tragic Joke Five

Why did the boy throw his clock out of the window?

Because he had an anger problem that would manifest itself physically and cause him to lash out at friends and loved ones.

Four! Joke! Huh! What is it good for?

What did one farmer say to the other farmer?

How's your farm?

Joke the Three

What did the cow say to the horse?
"Say buddy, why the long face?"
What did the horse say to the cow?
Nothing, horses can't talk.

Joke the Second

Did you hear about the Werewolf Comedian?

He had the audience howling with laughter! But then he'd turn into a werewolf and kill everyone.

Joke the First

Did you hear about the dog with no legs?

His owner took him for a drag. Down to the shed where he tied him up and shot him because the poor thing had no legs.

Wake Up

'bin real busy like.

Nearly finished the FIFTH, count 'em FIFTH episode of my TV Show. 1 more to go and I can whore it away for fun and profit. Hopefully more fun, which leads to more profit, which leads to more fun.

Watched a new New Zealand show on TV fridays about Gormsby, a crazy teacher who gets to teach a rowdy class. It was pretty good. I gotta make a show.

*SIGH*

So yeah, 'bin busy, true dat.

Not a lot else really. toothpastefordinner.com is my favourite site at the moment. It's fun AND educational. It's fundanational!

And then my watch died.

I think I'll turn this Blog into really strange anecdotes instead of posting what I tattooed on my butt today. It was nice to get into the routine of writing.

Ok, tomorrow, tragic anecdotes abound.

'cause I is 'bin 'd busy.

Blog Review

Alright guys, time for another Random Blog review! I will look at THREE random blogs from the "Next Blog" tab at the top of my lovely FREE blog and review for your sexual pleasure.

Blog One: SHE CRAParadise. http://muackzshe.blogspot.com/
Well, this one's good as it doesn't require you to use your brain. It's just some Japanese dude who loves the game Initial D. And posts pictures of girls who are no doubt his Japanese sex hookers.

And that's about it sorry.

*SIGH*

Blog Two: GLoBAL PINay Post. http://rogue2578.blogspot.com/
What's with people posting their blog titles with caps on some letters and lower case for others? Anywho, this is a new blog by a girl who thinks her school personal is gay and has such insightful posts as the one she made on May 3rd:

"Am I sexy???"

Well, I need an easier blog to understand because so far my brain has been overloaded by all this text! Too much information to process! Argh!!! Overload! Quick, next blog! Emos! Gay Punks! Depressed Mailmen! ANYONE!!!

Blog Three: Punainen kampanjablogi. http://kampanja.blogspot.com/

FINALLY! A blog I can relate too! You know, most blogs are pretty boring, mine being no exception, but this one caught my eye. It blends todays current events with witty, biting social satire. I especially like the one in the maanantai, toukokou the 2nd post:

"Mayday-demo veti pääasiassa nuorta joukkoa. Keski-ikäisiä paikalla oli kahden käden sormilla laskettava määrä. Järjestäjien esittäessä teesinsä minkä vuoksi oltiin osoittamassa mieltä tuntui osallistujiin eniten uppoavan vaatimus stop töhryille -kampanjan lopettamisesta ja FPS:n kritisointi."

NOW THAT'S FUNNY! Those first blogs can learn something from this one. It's a blog eat blog world out there folks... hey, I like that...

Tomorrow I promise I'll start my gradual decline into making this my annual breakfast blog and post images of my cat every friday. Unless I eat it for breakfast, in which case I'll keep the photos for myself.

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"Well somebody told me,
You had a boyfriend,
Who looked like a girlfriend,
That I had in February of last year.
It's not confidential,
I've got potential."

No, I haven't got a fucking clue either.