Supersize This!

http://www.aleader.com/combocaddy/

America, this is why we laugh at you.

How Normal are You?

Remember, if you're not living as society dictates YOU'RE FUCKED!!!

https://app.touchdowntv.com/shows/hownormal/Episodes.aspx

Just take the tests, ok? So far, after one test, I am Nearly Normal.

That's Right! That's Right! That's Right!

The MTV Movie Awards were on tonight. I think that if you are stupid enough to watch the fucking channel you deserve an idiot like... what's his face... that Jimmy guy... Fallon. What a tard. I know that most award shows are a crock but some people must have been a little suspicious for who won. Not that I care of course. It's the network for cool people, so I can't comment. I don't buy my clothes at Orange County sorry. I buy them out of the back of this old dudes station wagon. His name is Freddy and he has one eye.

They played this special episode of "Lost" the other day that was supposed to "OMG Reveal Tha SecretZ!!!!!LOL!" but it was just a quick recap of episode one with a lame lame lame OMG lame voice-over. I am a big fan of spoilers so I know the secrets won't be revealed. I do think people who watched the finale and said "THIS IS LAME!!! I AM NEVER WATCHING IT AGAIN!!! I WANTED ANSWERS!!!" Yeah, that's the fucking way to go about making a show. Give it all away in the first season then cancel it for another show where families switch parents. Did these people watch X-Files and say "THE ALIENS AREN'T THERE YET!! THIS SUCKS DICK!!!"? Just watch the fucking thing and be happy, you fucking arrogant ritalin popping channel monkey FUCKS. Just calm down (something coming from me) and enjoy it, and don't fucking expect everything to be revealed on day fucking one. Let a story unfold. Or go eat yourself stupid. Stupid and fat.

*SIGH* so many things that make me angry... good thing I get bored of typing so I can't vent them all. It looks as if we are planting the seeds for a Webcomic, so I now need to make some storylines. Should be fun.

Fun like Jesus.

Underwear Goes Inside the Pants

I thought I would share a little ditty with you I happened to hear last night.


Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is:
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What's going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just:"
"Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?"

Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How'd you get through it grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I'll sit at a drive thru.
I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There's room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,
"You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll show them."

We're in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.
I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books.

Bill Gates must be spinning in his grave

I am disturbed at the lack of "Kill Emo Kids" flash games on the internet. It just seems natural to assume that these kids would be constantly abused on the net. But no. It is a very weird thing. Kids who have faux-depression and like to wear make up so it will run. It's almost as fucking stupid as that whole Juggalo bullshit. Fucking Insane Clown Posse. But now we get a barrage of bands who cry and act like women. Listen, Emo Kids. You are the same attention-whores as every other group. You act like Goths who care what people think. The thing is that NOBODY IS THAT FUCKING IMPORTANT. Nobody cares about you, we all have our own lives to worry about. The only thing you will get from us is taunts and jeers. You act like you have depression. I'm sorry, crying is not equal to having serious mental condition. You have no reason to act like that apart from your own stupidity. Because that is what you are.

A bunch of them came into the video store last night when I was renting Wrestlemania XX... uh, I mean, porno, and my flatmate really wanted to see them. They aren't things of wonder. They aren't even worth our time. Levi, the crazed Child Molestor and part time Candy Factory Operator glared at all the sad emo kids at the arcade when I fucked my knee up playing stupid Korean dance simulators. The wouldn't do anything about it though. It's great, you can poke them with a stick and do whatever you want because they will just CRY and not relaliate. It's real fun, and I don't give two fucks about their feelings.

And again, going home last night on the bus a bunch were skateboarding around the Bus Depot, and our driver slowed down to yell at them. Now, when I was younger kids would yell back at the driver and throw their shoes as far as their P-Addled brains would allow. But these kids STARTED CRYING!!! I swear to God my life is now complete.

And yes, I fully understand the irony of myself slagging off emo kids in a BLOG. At least it isn't a fucking LiveJournal.

I went to Emo Game to see if it was about killing emo kids in a fashion so gristly Jason Vorhees would stand back and say "Damn!". Well, if he could talk. IN-FUCKING-STEAD, the game is about some faggy emo band members who have to kill pop culture icons. Hmm, let me see. Who is more popular, the cast of Friends or the singer from the band Bright Eyes? I FUCKING THOUGHT SO. In fact most of the game was about violent gay rape. And I am not making that up. If emo kids want to do something they can come to my house so I can break their fucking stupid ugly monkey faces in with a tire ironm while screaming "YOU WANT SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT?"

And then I would laugh my mother fucking ass off.

I think they deserve our ridicule. They dress that way because they want it. They act the way they do because they want it. So just help them out, and then feel the satisfaction (not that it's hard) of making them burst into tears. Emo will die out, and all that will remain are a few crappy CDs and some ruined eyeliner. These people weren't like this before the fucking craze came about. And they'll just as soon switch back to watching The O.C.

I'll just wait here until the Yo-Yo craze comes back.

Boo hoo, I'm sad because I just am, I don't like being happy, I want to kill myself but I won't. Life hates me, but I don't know that for sure so I'll just assume it. Depressed people have a reason to feel the way they do, and they fucking cope. You're all just fucking pussies who need a good old fashioned soap beating. Ah, soap beatings...

So Very Tired...

So I'm flying soon...

Yep, taking a plane for the first time in my life. I have an ear condition that may or may not kill me in high altitudes, they don't know, so that should be fun. Fun fun fun.

I was going to do a Random Blog interview (I even had a witty intro thought out) but all the ones I found sucked or were advertising Blogs about Handbags.

*SIGH*

So yeah, not even any interesting links in the news today. Oh well. Time to rag on Emo Blogs again I guess:

http://luving_rulez_4eva.blogspot.com/ - With a name like luving_rules_4eva you know what you are getting into. Do emos know their poetry sucks ass?

And http://girl291183.blogspot.com/ - Please go here and ridicule this person. Waa waa waa, all day long. Do Emos do anything constructive? And no, crying whilst wearing makeup is not constructive.

Seriously, go to the Next Blog bit on my Blog. Go to ten Blogs and count how many are those Google ad Blogs. My record thus far is four.

I so have no life... maybe this is what turns Emos into Emos. Hmmm...

Cellphones give you Cancer

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/4072704.stm

PWN3D!!!

You can call me Ray

Genesis 49:25 states that Jacob told his son that God promises them "blessings of the deep that lie beneath." What could be mean? Is it yet another idealogy presented to people as a way to live their lives? Is it some wacky verse about fishermen? Or is it, as an American Oil Baron claims, the word of God proving that there is oil under Israel?

This evangelical Christian has raised SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS from other evangelical Christians to drill in Tel Aviv because he said God promises oil there. I have a problem with drilling for oil in the first place, but to drill somewhere where no oil has been found for FIFTY YEARS based on a literal tranlation of the bible? The dude even said he prayed for oil and God gave it to him. Now, I am not a Christian. I don't have a problem with peoples faiths, because none of my Christian friends are mad. But even I know that their God isn't that much of a pushover.

"Hey, all powerful figure who could change the world for the better and ensure the survival of the human race?"
"Yes rich, greedy capitalist?"
"Would you mind putting some oil somewhere for me to find it? Then I'll be rich!"
"Well, let me check the Deity handbook... yep, using my powers for personal gain is allowed! Have your oil my filthy friend!"

NO. The situation did not go like that. In America they are also being bombarded every day with more and more requests by mad Fundamentalist (Not the regular, nice Christians, the evil, hate-spreading we-want-it-all types) to let God have more power in America. They want to impose the CHRISTIAN faith on Americans. Not Greek or Roman, or any other belief that is older, or may have as many or more followers, not poor old Buddha or Shiva, but a Christian God. That's not a very nice message to be spreading. "You're either with us, or you're against us!" George Bush Senior once was asked what he was going to do to get the Athiest vote. He said he didn't care for them. The reporter asked why, and he replied something along the lines of "I don't care, because the way I see it, this is One Nation under God."

Hmmm. It's not good to give them more power, at witnessed with the Terry Schivao debacle that even we in New Zealand were shown. Come on smart, sane religious types! They are letting your side down! Stand up and reassure us that you're not all like that, and these guys are your inbred cousins or something!

In other news, the worlds total spending on weapons has reached ONE TRILLION DOLLARS. That's $162 for each person in the world. I could use $162. I can't use weapons. And guess which lovely country accounted for 47% of that number? America spend more money than every other developed country on blowing shit up it would seem. Can't you just, you know, take care of your fucking home front first? And not churn out war-mongering, anti-Muslim children?

God forbid people be allowed their own beliefs.

Don't Tell Me

HAHAHA Bloggercising. Fat people are funny.

Someone left me a comment asking if I knew what "lol" was. No. For you see, I have been living in a cave for many, MANY years with no internet capabilities. Because it was a cave, you see. Otherwise I would have learnt about the OMG COMEDIC GOLD!!!1 that is using "lol" in place of laughing. You're not laughing out loud when you type that. You're just being a fuck. Did you think you invented the term? If so, you have my pity. A little off topic, but you must live in a very expensive mental home, being allowed on the internet and all. And please, PLEASE pound your point home to me by typing "lololololololol" over and over and OVER again like the mentally handicapped retarded retard that you are. You retard.

Well, that's it for today. Remember, each time someone uses "lol" in a chat room, God kills a kitten.

Poos and Wees

I ran one of my one-off Roleplaying scenario's last night. Levi managed to anger every single creature in the Cavern, was captured and thrown into a pit, killed all the NPCs he could get his hands on and collectted Trolls eyeballs. He managed to escape the castle and defeated the Lord of the Knights Templar, not much considering he rolled a Godly character. He was 11, 21, 12 I believe. He had terrible rolls however. So yeah, that was the Roleplay.

Levi was angry however that he didn't get to play the French Maid. Those wacky Emo's...

Levi stood outside the arcade and abused the citizens of Wellington yesterday. It was a fucking freakshow, with nasty Pseudo-Goths and smoking 12 year olds abound. I wish that Meteor that is going to reach us around 2014 would hurry up. And then maybe the plant can be populated by a race that won't rape and pillage and rape and rape the Earth. Like Zombies. And the survivors will live in a Mad-Max type situation, where Dune Buggies, Steel Gimp Costumes and Tina Turner rule over us all.

I can only dream.

Levi likes the Menfolk

A lot of people sell Karaoke and Baby Genius DVD's on Trademe. And Pedometers. That's a device that tells you how many children you have molested that day.

Levi is here, in his Emo-Colours (Represen... ah, I'm going to go cry now) and being taller than me because he is a bastard. That bastard.

I'm still on Trademe. Because I never learn my lesson. Why must you tempt me with "!!!$1 RESERVE!!! MONSTERS INC ZONE 4 INC SPECIAL FEATURES!!!". It's the personal comments posted about you after every transaction that keep me coming back.

"A+++++ TRADER, WOULD TRADE AGAIN!"
"PROMPT PAYMENT, NO HASSLES, A+++!!!"
"A+++++++++"
"EASY, NO HASSLES, QUICK, A++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++"

Teh Gay

I am making myself a Zombie-themed RPG. I am just awaiting the arrival of my maths books with the little squares and I can start. It's a pen and paper affair, dealing with survival in a city fulled with things that want to nibble on your innards. You have to board up your safehouses, create escape plans and generally NOT GET EATEN.

It shall be a lot of fun as soon as I can work out any problems. It'll have to be pretty big, seeming as it does cover the entire city of Wellington. I can just use waves of Zombies as buffers.

I'm a huge Zombie fan, for those of you who started reading at this paragraph. I own a few Zombie-related DVDs, and am awaiting the new Land of the Dead film, which hopefully shall be brain-tastic. Mmm brains. It's what's for dinner.

Oh well, back to leveling up my Pikachu by fighting Lv 6 Metapods in the Bug Catcher forest. Ciao!

Why do all other Blogs suck?

http://premenstral.blogspot.com/ - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

And why do so many people put those FUCKING ANNOYING CROSSHAIR CURSORS ON THEIR FUCKING BLOGS!!! DIE!!! DIE AND GO TO HELL!!!

And in other Blog news, http://premenstral.blogspot.com/ - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Seriously, I'm still laughing. I need to think up some nasty comments to leave. It's a free world! Well, I hope the Terms and Conditions agree with me. Otherwise that woman who cheats on her husband may dob me in. Oh well. Once more, with feeling: http://premenstral.blogspot.com/

ARGH!!!

Ok, now I just bought a Link Cable for my Gameboys. I need to seek professional help. Maybe there's some on Trademe...

Fuck...

Well, I just bought another Gameboy so I could get Pokemon Red... OH MY GOD I NEED HELP!!!

She's Mine!

My Broadband monthly usage ran out... I have to wait 12 more days to get my next "OMG_HENTAI_XXX.avi" fix. Anyway, this post isn't about my fixation with posting naked pictures of myself on message boards. It's about something much, MUCH more sexy.

I bought Pokemon Blue off Trademe the other day. I love Trademe. Of course, I have no money, but it's still a fun place to browse. I've bought many Magic: The Nerdining cards off there. But of course, intitially it is quite easy to get addicted to. There is just SO MUCH CRAP THAT YOU DON'T NEED and yet you want it!

After a while though I realised that I had no money and stopped buying crap. I only ever bought like 30 things, and most of them were individual cards. *SIGH*

Anyways, I'm buying more Pokemon-related crap. I want another Gameboy and a Link Cable so I can play Blue and Red with all 3 starting Pokemon... Oh God I'm such a nerd...