Se7en

Not a lot happened today. While searching the net for badly-doctored nude pics of Amanda Bynes and Admiral Akbar slash fanfiction I saw that apparently the thieves who stole Madonna and The Scream may have burnt it to cover their tracks. Which sucks 'cause that was good art. Not a trace of human waste on it at all and no red and blue dots to represent the Holocaust.

We did more work on European Art films. And then my girlfriend went out and bought one of them on DVD.

Why do you mock me Lord?

Todays thing you woulnd't want to hear about youself in a newspaper: "... found dead in his apartment with over 150 pet possums, which he had made up to look like Pokemon."

Go Crazy

European Art films.

Boy howdy, where do I start?

If you like your porn to have more of a narrative (and if by narrative, you mean convoluted and illogical character plotlines) then Art films are for you. I hate art films. Now, I'm sure that, just like regular art, not all art films are crappy. But c'mon, how can you build a fucking film around two people wanting to sleep with their mother while killing each other and hating their fathers who are having a gay affair with their transexual sister? We are studying Art films for Film class right now and I HATE the idea that if you don't like Art films you are uncultured and stupid. It's the fucking Emporers New Clothes all over again, everyone in my class claims to love these films. But they have no narrative! Their narrative exists to fill in space between each kinky sex scene! You know what else does that? PORN.

They are not "Classy Love Scenes" between "two people in love". It's two people fucking graphically. And keep your pretentious nature because you know the director put that sex in because it's sex. You can say "Well, it makes you think" but please, it's still graphic sex. It feeds the perversions of the audience who knowingly seek this shit out. As with art just because it is controversial doesn't mean it's fucking gold! These film makers act like they were put here on Earth to enlighten us. They get in an uproar when their sex scene between two real 13 year olds is cut. All of a sudden, having something against violent rape between minors makes you stupid and a facist. Just forget the Arts grant and GO MAKE PORN. And all you Anti-Hollywood elitists can go fuck youselves.

We watched "Matador" by Almodavar. I think, maybe that'ssupposed to be two words. Well, whatever it is, he needs a beating by an angry Christian womans group. Sick fuck. "Oh, I make Art, I'm teh smart. Sex sex sex sex sex sex."

GOD I hate Art films. Just in case you hadn't gathered that already. Keep your shady directors who think that everyone has loose morals. They won't be happy until we're all fucking our mothers and shooting our fathers, all at the same time. Franco should come back to life and shoot them all in the face.

You can classify and explain their actions quite easily. "Well, the sex scenes go against the regular mode." DEVIANTS. "The love triangle shows the passion between the two brothers and their love for their teacher." INCEST. The violence is realistic, as they don't cut away as she is raped by the watching men." VOYEURISM. I hope I spelt that right. It shouldn't be called art. Art denotes an air of high society. They should be called "Sicko Fucking Quasi-Porn Sex-Driven Anti-Narrative Incest Film" but I guess "Art" fits on that little tag at the video store better.

Oh, and Juan Miro can't paint for shit. Fuck Film class. Fuck it right in the ear.

Todays thing you wouldn't want to hear about you in a newspaper: "... found dead after trying to re-enact a scene from Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers."

Watch this

Well, you can call off the search. I have found the greatest website ever. Allow me to introduce you all to Moore Watch. Located at http://moorewatch.com/, this lovely website sets out to prove what we all know, straight from the morons themselves. America is one fucked up place. Now, I am not American. I am not jealous of America. All you have over us is that your Simpsons episodes are newer, and you're all fucking downloading them anyways. Or TiVoing them you lazy lazy fucks. Now, back to the website. This site is dedicated to debunking the facts of Michael Moore. It's kinda sad that they, instead of focusing on issues, decide to attack a man who wants issues to be brought to light. Hell, it's not just Moore, a whole buttload of people have their opinions of America, yet they always go after him. Hmmm.

Moorewatch is a great great site. I mean, how can you not just go and burn up your copy of "Stupid White Men" with great posts as "Buy a Gun Day" or ads for people who want to date conservatives who appreciate the good Bush has done for America. Yay guns! Yay silencing opposition!!! Yeehaw!!! Now, the term "Coalition of the Willing" always confused me. Is there no difference between "Willing" and "Fucking Bullies" anymore? And don't fucking say a word about Saddam, "Oh, he was hurting his people". Yeah, and you've fucking created a paradise over that way, haven't you?

The dude who runs the site always whores himself out so you'll buy him stuff, and keep his crappy site up. This guy is a fucking tool. I need to become a shrink so I can finally understand how people can be SO FUCKING STUPID to be fed bullshit on a daily basis and smile in return. Bush can do no wrong, he is a God, gay people are bad and guns are good. Muslims are Terrorists and Terrorists are Muslim. There are no Communists, only Muslims. Did I mention guns are good? This guy wants Bush and the current situation to be right. Now, if Moore said "I have just video taped Bush eating babies" this guy would say "Oh, Mikey, you fatty, try to hate America a little more!" It's fucking sick that some people are so blind to what's going on in their very country! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE IT! God! Their Hate-Mail page is great, they just don't seem open to any possible idea that Bush and America fucked things up! Now, I'm sure not everyone over there is like that but come on, we all see America as the big bully who throws his weight around, likes to get things his own way and surrounds himself with lackeys and yes men who will stand by and pretend not to mind when he gets drunk and FUCKS THINGS UP. But of course, no bullies at my school ever bombed civilians. You all need to calm down, put down the guns and just fucking relax! Gay people won't bite, Muslims aren't evil, SUVs don't make your penis bigger and life without war is a lot more fun.

Want to live like MooreWatch wants you to? Easy. Fags are evil. Guns are needed in todays society. Bush can do no wrong. If you don't support the killing of Muslims you are either a fag or a Communist. Which makes you a Muslim. Do you have your Pro-Bush bumper sticker next to your Creationist sticker on your SUV or Minivan? GO THE MILITARY! War is the only way. The national debt is a magical source we don't have to ever pay back. Who's gonna make us? Japan? Pfft we'll bomb them back to the stone age. The Media prints LIES!!! Iraq is a great place now! Saddam was evil and had his finger on the button! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED YET AGAIN!!! Michael Moore is wrong because he is fat and rich. The Lefties are evil and will make you gay. Moore faked that bit when Bush sat on his ass and stared at a goat! LIES LIES LIES! Moore-on is a funny term, and if you disagree with Bush Almighty then you are a faggy gun-hating Moore-on! And while you're at it, support my site!!!

I was planning on ranting about how much I hate European art films, but I guess that will do.

Todays thing you wouldn't want to hear about yourself in a newspaper: "... found with what police claim to be the worlds largest collection of childrens underwear."

The Ultimate Warrior

I don't know art, but I know what I like.

And I don't like abstract art. Now, call me uncultured, call me ignorant, but you can have you three lines on a blank canvas. You can have your blue with one red dot to symbolise agony. And you can have your human waste spread on a lightbulb and put into a blender. And I'll keep my 5 million dollars. They recently had something about a 4 year old girl who paints abstract art. The New York Times proclaimed her the New Picasso. They got a child psychologist in to look at her and she said the girl was a genius. And her artwork sells.

Why?

Is it because abstract art represents mood? No. Because she says she just likes painting. She doesn't have any inner meaning, any special motive, any desire to portray the world as lines and one dimensional. She is a 4 year old girl who likes to paint. Would people buy her art if she wasn't 4? Now, it may look pretty, but it's just lines on canvas that don't mean anything. The part of the article I missed however was them claiming that she doesn't paint it at all, that maybe her father or mother do. Her father is also an amatuer artist. Hmmm. They also took video of her painting but they had set up a situation she wasn't used to, like painting whenever and wherever she wants. In the end I think it is mighty silly to get that worked up over some art. I believe that you either play it for shock value or you paint like bad poets. And there are a lot of bad poets out there as I have been told.

Now, I would like the art she does if it was art. Art as in 15th century oil paintings of battles, kings, shit you can see. Not four green lines to represent the current Bush Administration. Or some deranged madman urinating into a cup and calling it "My Inner Self Maginified through Earth Mothers own Breath".

*Shakes fist at Picassos ear*

Todays thing you wouldn't want to hear about yourself in a newspaper: "... police found the body of his mother, which he had been using to make a suit out of."

Brazils Raw Profile Foods

The weather has the gay.

What I like though is the clothes people decide to wear on the frequent windy and cold days we have here in Wellington. It's really REALLY funny to see 15 year olds with forty shopping bags, each from a different clothing shop, walk down the street in their mini skirts. I guess cool people don't need feeling in their legs.

Anyways, it's too cold for me to type so I'm going to go and find something else to shake my fist at.

Todays thing you wouldn't want to hear about yourself in a newspaper: "... claimed he didn't know she was 12, despite the fact he was at Supre."

Pacmania

I'm sure glad that they are finally getting rid of all the ugly people.

I mean, look at the great shows we have on TV. Now, all you ugly people can get plastic surgery to look just like the rest of us! It'll be great! Then we'll all be, like, good looking! It's, like, totally sad that some people were just born ugly, and will never be able to function in normal, beautiful society! You can spend your life being lazy, letting your body and house go to shit, and then *SHAZAM* you have have plastic inserted into your skin!

Remember, you won't get the girl if you are ugly. You must have the girl. Get the girl. And girls, all hot guys do all day is work for UPS and Ice Cream Parlours. They being of course the two more important industries there are. Sex sex sex people! If you don't have hormones you will die alone, fat and ugly, probably listening to some crappy non-manufactured music! Ashlee Simpsons hair colour is punk brown and she has been sent here to rock the establishment! Jojo is NOT a robot child we made so just aspire to be like her! Studies have shown that NO ugly person has ever had sex. And that's why we all watch The O.C. It makes us feel good to have a show on that we can relate to. Every single person in the real world is like that show. All you ugly people just don't realise it.

Seriously though, there is an ad on TV here that says "Want the girl? You're never gonna get her with pimples!" I think it's important that we all remember that beauty is all that matters. Woman are objects to be lured in by shiny things. And that all society functions to serve the beautiful. Remember that the next time some 14 year old from Orange County with her own BMW and who weighs as much as the contents of the glove box shows up.

*Shakes fist at beautiful people*

Todays thing you wouldn't want to hear about yourself in a newspaper: "... found beaten to death with his own signed Full House box set."

The Citadel of Chaos

Dear Blog:

Today I had toast for breakfast.

Smells like Cartoon Planet

I guess they ran out of all the good talent. And then the crap talent. And then they must have started picking people off the street. And finally, they were FORCED AT GUNPOINT! But that's the only way I can see it going down. What, I hear you ask? Ryan Seacrest getting a Star on the Walk of Fame. His job is this:

"Hi. I am Ryan Seacrest. Welcome to American Idol."

I'm pretty sure I could train a monkey to do that. Actually, I'm pretty sure I could kill a monkey and then make his corpse do the exact same job. Not that Ryan Seacrest doesn't live in a tree and throw his own crap at people. But poking him with a stick would be fun. I often wonder how some people get famous. And then I remember.

All of the sex.

*Shakes fist at Paris Hilton*

Todays thing you wouldn't want to hear about you in a newspaper: "... found naked in a pool of his own urine."

Have you met Miss Jones?

So for today I've decided to do a Blog review. Basically, in the top (checks hands) right corner of my blog you'll find a link to the Next Blog. Of course, many of you would have already clicked it after losing so many brain cells on my numerous inane posts, but for those of you who are left, this is for you. It brings up a random blog everytime, so what I will do is review three random blogs. Thursday should be Random Blog day. Hot dog!

Blog one: Everything's so blurry. http://morningheartbroken.blogspot.com/
Now, I've already reached a problem. This Blog is in Indonesian. And while I speak pretty much all languages, Indonesian is, by sheer coincidence, the one I thought I would never have to learn. So since I can't review it, here's what I think it says:

4.21.2005 - Rumah Senja
Dear blog. Today I had toast for breakfast.

4.20.2005 - perkawinan malam
Dear blog. Today I had oatmeal for breakfast.

4.19.2005 - jingga tanpa kata kata
Dear blog. I wish I had a friend. Oh Lord how I wish I had a friend.

So in closing, I can't make this blog entertaining. I wonder if there is a blog graveyard? Or like an old folks home where all the breakfasts posts play dominios and Matt Drudge runs around with a stupid hat trying to tell people about the time he won the War on Terrorism?

Blog Duex (that's French for the next blog) - gonna say Go - http://ahead3373.blogspot.com/
Alright, this one's fun. The second blog I reach is a garbled advertising site. Either that or this dudes got a REALLLY fucking boring life. The entire site is a shill for an other known as mpthrill.com apparently. Which I can't be bothered looking up. So guys, so far not so good. Let us try one more, and pray for our salvation. Someone's gotta be hosting a webcam of their cat...

Blog the Three: Kidpurple on Blogger - http://kidpurple.blogspot.com/
Hot damn, anything that starts off with the words "Free Ipod", "Sign Up" and "Referral" in the same line HAS to be PURE GOLD!!! Apparently this is our second favourite website, which is redundant since A) it's not a website and B) if it were of course it is your second favourite. It goes My site, then everyone elses site in a distant second. But let us take a look. At least they have a picture up on the side bar... OH MY GOD. Well, I just saw his profile picture. He looks like dude I sat next to on the bus, the dude who was four seconds away from shouting "HAIL HITLER." It's a brilliant set-up, having one of those annoying e-maily type things in the top in a different font. They are always SO personal, aren't they? Well, with only three posts this guy must never eat breakfast.

Must be why he's so bald.

*EDIT* Ok, those three sites bored me to tears faster than reading my own one does so I clicked on another and got PURE GOLD!!!1 Take a gander at Rally Against Teachers - http://antityranicteachers.blogspot.com/
This is a very informative and well thought out website detailing the pain and suffering this poor individual goes through every day. I really feel for them in their cause. They have to put up with being an emo in a world that really wants to just get shit done. They have to face such hatred and intolerance as being obviously such a gifted mind in a world that doesn't care. And if my doesn't care, you mean laughs at their stupid ugly monkey face. Boo hoo. Teachers suck. Fight the power. Now where's my Dashboard Confessional CD...

Todays thing you won't want to hear about yourself in a newspaper: "... found beaten to death with his own severed member."

Wag the Dog

So yeah, clothes suck.

I live in Wellington, New Zealand, which is a very cold, damp, wet, windy place full of actors and earthquakes. What I hate is Glassons fashion. Now, the Supre chain sets the bar for aspiring porn stars everywhere, but Glassons is where the sheep go to meet. Every. Single. Girl shops at Glassons. So, every. Single. Girl looks the same. Every girl in Wellington is a clone of the next. They all have denim miniskirts with Foxy or Roxy written on the back, the ugly shade of pink sweaters and the same singlet tops, rounded off with the same green Trucker hat. So expressing yourself via your clothes has left the changing rooms. Girls come in three templates here. Now, girls, do you know that you all look the same? You do know that every single girl has that exact top, that exact skirt, that exact whatever, and they are wearing it at the exact same time you are. How do you tell your friends apart? But then again, they're all blonde and they all sound the same so maybe Gods sick of the old fonts and just uses Times New Glassons.

And don't even get me started on Supre. Anyone that shops there deserves whatever they get. Taunts, jeers, leers, whatever, don't you fucking dare say you want to be respected and treated as a woman as oppose to an object when you're wearing a bra and a skirt that has been devised by shortening a belt.

It's Attack of the Clones out there. Now, pretty girls are nice and all but when they are all exactly the freakin' same what's the point in staring guys? But hey, us males are all dumb anyways so it really doesn't matter.

*Shakes fist at humanity*

Todays thing you wouldn't want to hear about yourself in a newspaper: "... believed himself to be the son of the Devil..."

California Scheming

I wish I had Broadband.

I can see why that kid's so delighted at being able to surf the web fast. But he won't be so delighted when I stick his head between my legs and piledriver him up and down! Oh yeah!!! I know I'm not THAT much of a nerd, but I would like to have it. I can download the new Star Wars trailer, which I have yet to see, thank you very much Readings Cinemas.

But speaking of Propaganda, I just found a letter which is explaining why us, as New Zealanders, owe it to America to become one with them. Apparently, while I was asleep, America became a great and kind nation who solve all the worlds crime and have no interests in oil or personal vendettas. It says we should increase military funding, because I can see the strategical advantages New Zealand holds over the rest of the world, or the up side of invading us for our oil, our military position and our natural resources. I can't see why the Japanese would want ten million sheep, but they'll take 'em if we don't gun up!

Violence is always the answer. I mean, especially when we have the big cock of the walk running the school drunk with all the other countries too afraid to tell him to calm down and take it easy, and who stand by while he picks on the black kid.

Whoa, like, deep...

Todays thing you wouldn't want to hear about yourself in a newspaper: "... a history of beastiality."

Put your clock back for the winter

I've taken a trip down to Hawkes Bay for a birthday party. The ride down here was teh gay, I HATE travelling. I had to sit next to a big guy from a white power rally so now my neck is all sore from being hunched up. He kept laughing at his cellphone messages really loudly.

So yeah, TV sucks.

I am going to rank the ads by the amount they make me want to hurt myself. I really think that the ad men think we are all stupid. I guess we are just sheep to them, which is fine for us with now money. But here they are:

Number 5:
I don't like ads for childrens toys today as they bombard them with the idea that they NEED these toys, that they CAN'T LIVE without these toys, that they won't be COOL unless they have these toys. "NEW FROM HASBRO!!! IT'S RAD!!! IT'S FUN!!! OH YEAH!!! BUY IT NOW!!!! SHOOTS UP TO 3 FEET!!! FLIES FOR 10 FEET!!!! IT'S HIP!!!!! HIP AND RAD!!!! OH MY HOW IT IS RAD!!!! DID I MENTION IT'S HIP? BUY ME NOW!!! NOW NOW NOW!!!!! BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY!!!!!!!" with rap music playing over the top of the ad and graphics straight out of Powerpoint.

Number 4:
The new angle for Telecom is to ensure that in the future we are ALL using cellphones. And they like to whore them out using kids images. I think it's a great idea, giving expensive camera phones to kids. That way it'll be funnier when I beat them up and take it off them. Ah, the soothing cries of children...

Number 3:
Invisible duct tape is a great idea. Not only can you see the fucking cracks, you get to pay more as well!!! GOLD!!! And the song is great. "... Almost invisibly!" YET MORE GOLD!!!

Number 2:
"Have you been using my shampoo?"
"No."
"That's ok. I've been using your boyfriend."
And then they laugh about it. I'm glad the WHORE COMMUNITY is being catered for. "Have clean hair and be a slut!" Fuckers.

Number 1: The Lion Red in the Workplace ad.
This ad is about fitting in at work, on your first day. According to the great minds at Lion Red, the way to fit in is to do the following:
Steal your bosses carpar, then rat on someone else.
Chat up the reception chick.
Drink in your cubicle.
Send your face via e-mail after scanning it in the photocopier.
Chat up the reception chick some more.
START A FREAKING BBQ IN YOUR CUBICLE.
Chat up the reception chick while in a wheelbarrow.
Get the fire brigade in.
Start a conga line.
Get your boss drunk.
Yeah, that's a God damn recipe for a great job if I ever heard one. I'm going to come into work now, drunk off my tit and carrying a wheelbarrow. I will then start a small fire and dance down the hallway before giving a thumbs up to an invisible camera. I like it how everyone who drinks beer is a retarded retard and yet they seem to be fine with it. "Drink Lion Red and become a total fucking moron!"

Todays words you wouldn't want to hear about you in a newspaper article: "... said that God gave him the knife..."

I can type fast, talk fast, and kick your ass fast.

So here we are, day deux of le Blog. That's French for The Blog. Actually, here I am really, 'cause I haven't told any of my friends that it exists. But now doubt they'll come crawling like the salivating dogs they are to hang off my every word. I love being me. If I wasn't me I would SO want to be.

For todays rant I've decided to let you in on a little secret. I plan on holding a Steel Cage match at my next Wrestling Extravaganza. It will be myself vs that kid off the Telecom "I can type fast" ad. So feel free to come watch as I show him how fast I can beat the snot out of him. I know it's been said before, but all ad makers sit in a room somewhere depriving themselves of sleep on purpose, while snorting cocaine. Then they all stagger together to pool their collective genius into the wonderful advertisments we see everyday. CELLPHONES AREN'T FOR FRIGGIN' KIDS ANYWAY!!! Give them dolls or Action Men or Supre clothes, but NOT CELLPHONES! Who the the name of Jesusmonkey are they going to text? Their equally as stupid also young friends. Now THAT'LL be a conversation for the ages. "lol 1 u r gay" "nah u is. a/s/l?" "poo poo head". But of course, when they reach 13 it's different. Then the texts are like "HAVE SEX WITH ME!!!!!!!!!"

I blame Supre.

*Shakes fist at Supre*

Supre... oh Supre, that is a rant for another time. But yes, this shall be a fight for the ages. Watch as I tear his brains out and feast on the gooey centre... but FAST as I shall have the power of Telecom behind me. Marvel as I slam his limbs in that keyboard... but FAST as Telecom will be helping me. And watch as rip out his spine and replace it with a USB cable so people ALL OVER THE WORLD can kick his ass.

Depends on if they have Telecom coverage I guess. But yeah, the ad is mucho annoyingo. Very mucho. All those crappy Telecom ones are. But I'll tell you what isn't crappy:

Making Rubbish Movies. That as is teh cool. With extra lol.

And I'm going to add this little thing, "Things you wouldn't want to hear about you in the newspaper."

Todays things you wouldn't want to hear about you in the newspaper: "Massive child pornography collection."

Initial.test/blog_initiate -if blog=yes then "remove_social_life"

Well that's it then.

I've sold my soul to the masses. And of course it's like ten years too late for the OMG BLOG!1 craze. But I guess I need somewhere to post. I wonder how many Blogs start with this? "I'm TOTALLY aware of how lame this is... and it's so lame that it's COOL! OMG A SIMPSONS REFERENCE!!! LOL!!! OMG!!!!! BRB!!!!!!!!!1111eleventyone.

Man I'm cool.

But yeah, enjoy the latest creative outlet for my ranting. Ashlee Simpson is on C4 right now. So I'm already off to a flying start.

Plus this sure beats the hellout of my old Geocities page.

*Shakes fist at Geocities*